the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
