break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
false alarm. still invincible.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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