im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The adults are the big ones right?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
