Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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