okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
