So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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