I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
