I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
