three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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