$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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