I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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