We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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