they need to just BURY HIM!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
