You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
