you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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