To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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