Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
