Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just fell off a train. Bad.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
