Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
