the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
