and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
