im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
