This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
