I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
