She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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