there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize