i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
