dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
