I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
