is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
