That's when you crack a 10am beer
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
