everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
