My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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