As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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