well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Drunk is not a location!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
