It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
