I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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