It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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