My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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