I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
