:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
