Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
