Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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