Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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