I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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