she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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