hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
