Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize