I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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