I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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