She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
