My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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