I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
