@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
