She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
