everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
