Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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