So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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