Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
