I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize