here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i need some magic done to my vagina
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
