Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
