Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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