He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
