Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Yo dont text me then not text me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
