my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
