Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
