the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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