just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
