I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I cannot find my penis.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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