What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
