I look better un-naked...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am naked and annoyed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
