I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
