at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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