is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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