Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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