...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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