it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
