Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
