I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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