what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
