I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
