It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
