Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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