I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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