You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
